


Safely Home

by Fanofthearts



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Weekly Berena Fix, snuggle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-10-03 07:53:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17280050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fanofthearts/pseuds/Fanofthearts
Summary: The evening of Arthur’s wake Bernie found herself driving a drunk Serena Campbell home.First prompt for the Weekly Berena Fix challenge.





	Safely Home

**Author's Note:**

> First prompt for the Weekly Berena Fix challenge: Snuggle
> 
> Thank you iordio

Bernie could recall many nights when she was in her teens when her and her best friend Joanne would be huddled together under the blankets on her bed. Excitedly pouring over latest issue of Pony magazine, both fantasizing about the riding lessons they would have later in the week, discussing techniques and the horses they hoped to one day ride. 

After a sleepover one Friday, a night where they spent gossiping about Farah Fawcett, Marie Osmond, and cuddling. Bernie had made the mistake of telling her mother how she loved snuggling with her friend. She didn’t know it was wrong, it certainly didn’t feel wrong and Joanne liked it too. She remembered the sick strands of anxiety welling up in her stomach. The tendrils of guilt and fear racing up her throat at the horrifying thought that she’d done something wrong, that she was wrong. Her mother had never screamed at her before, but that day standing in the kitchen clutching her school bag before heading off to walk to school she felt things shift. That was the last time she was allowed to have Joanne over. Her mother explained sharply that girls weren’t supposed to touch and cuddle. People would start to whisper and she could get expelled from school, Bernie had bit the inside of her cheek as hard as she could to keep the tears from falling. Her Mother telling her that if she continued to have these feelings she would be forced to take her to a doctor to see what was wrong with her.

Bernie had tried to remember if she and her mother had ever hugged again after that morning of her revelation, she couldn’t recall. She taught herself not to touch, not to reach out, no hugs, not to hold hands, not to reassure, not to feel... 

Marcus had told her she was too boney to cuddle; her shoulders were too sharp, her knees too knobbly, her hips pointed. With Alex there was no time. Where could she cuddle with her subordinate? Hurried kisses in a supplies cupboard or in the back of a moving truck were as far as they had got. Then there was Serena, by the time they had become friends Bernie had herself trained to not touch, to suppress the yearning and the need until it was non-existent. What had once come so easy to her was now foreign and forbidden. Serena it seemed, loved to touch, one arm hugs, a squeeze of the fingers, or a laying of a hand. She was slowly becoming used to the touches but had a hard time returning them.

The evening of Arthur’s wake she found herself driving a drunk Serena Campbell home, she was singing along with the radio as Bernie pulled into her drive. Turning the car off she looked over at the other woman, leaning against the window staring up at the darkened star lit sky singing along with ABBA, at least she thought I was ABBA, maybe it was Cher. “Come on, out we get.” Bernie walked around the car and opened the door for her friend taking her keys from her. Her arm going around her waist to help her up the few steps to her house.

The cold air seemed to sober Serena up a bit, removing their coats and shoes Bernie left her sitting on the couch while she went into the kitchen to get them coffee. She found some biscuits in a cupboard realizing neither had anything to eat since breakfast. “Serena?” She said softly setting a cup of coffee down in front of her on coffee table in the living room. 

She got a watery smile in return, “Thanks,” She took a careful sip of the drink, steam wafting from the cup. “You make good coffee.”

Bernie snorted, “Don’t let my old unit hear you say that. They would all but run if they saw me making the coffee in the morning.”

They shared a smile, both staring at nothing, quietly sipping the hot drink and sharing the biscuits. Bernie felt Serena take her free hand and link their fingers together, “Okay?”  
Bernie nodded setting her cup down, forcing herself not to untangle her fingers from Serena’s. “Yes, just…just thinking.”

“About?” Dark eyes traced Bernie’s profile in the dim moonlight streaming in the windows. 

“Arthur, I-I didn’t know him well but… god that could have been Cam, they were about the same age, and… you’re right he was just a boy.” Bernie felt tears prick her eyes. The words Serena had shuttered out in the garden echoed in her mind. She was so good at keeping things locked inside and pushed away, but here in the dark sitting room with a woman who was fast becoming the best friend she’d had in decades, she felt her façade cracking. She thought of Arthur, a brilliant young mind gone, of Morven, left to pick up the pieces. Her own children not only ignoring her but instead writing letters against her. The only home she had known for the last twenty five years was gone, the comfort of the military gone, everything gone. She was here, alone so alone and for the first time she felt scared, vulnerable and exposed. A thumb stroking the inside of her wrist brought her back to reality.

Serena set her mug down next to Bernie’s and slipped her free arm around her waist. “Fancy staying tonight? I have a spare bedroom.”

Bernie concentrated on slowing her racing heart, keeping the darkness from encroaching her vision. She blinked hard against the black spots dancing in front of her eyes. She heard somewhere the television click on, the soft sounds of the evening news entered her senses. She didn’t realize she was shaking until a soft blanket was thrown over her legs, another around her shoulders and she felt herself being pull into a warm body. Serena had them arranged laying back onto an arm of the sofa, she felt her head being tucked under Serena’s chin, her warm breath tickling her hair. She could just make out the silver of her pendent, laying close to her field of vision. Serena’s black blouse was smooth under her cheek, her fingers shakily reached out and traced the gentle oval of her charm. She felt Serena shift next her slotting her hips into the side of Serena’s, Bernie’s right leg slid in between the woman underneath her, she adjusted the blanket around their shoulders and legs before settling. Her arms tightened around Bernie and her finger continued its methodical tracing of the necklace. She felt she should pull back, that she was doing something wrong, being held this way; nestled under the blankets held in Serena’s arms. She felt rather than heard her mother’s words echo throughout her body and she tensed. The guilty feeling that she was doing something inappropriate and that she might be making her friend uncomfortable was forefront. “Its okay.” Serena’s voice vibrated through her body, her fingers ran through her hair holding her head to her chest. “I know it's pretty shitty right now.”

“It's just the kids…everything, that could have been Cameron in Arthur’s place.” 

“But it wasn’t.” Serena gently scratched Bernie’s scalp and she had to suppress a shiver that ran through her body. “Things with them will get better.”

“What if it doesn’t and what if something happens and I can’t…” Bernie felt the tears come, Serena’s arms tightened around her, lips gently brushed her forehead, making shushing noises, gently rocking Bernie in her arms. She relaxed into the embrace giving over to Serena, she felt safe and warm, oh so warm. Her right hand moved to Serena’s arm and held tight, her tears dried quickly as she got a hold of herself. “I’m sorry.”

“’S okay, it’s been a hard day.” They laid in the quiet for a while enjoying the feel of each other. The late hour catching up with both of them. Serena’s hands slowly began trailing up and down Bernie’s back above the blanket. A familiar song came on the TV, Bernie moved in Serena’s arms, turning away from her in the nest of blankets.

“I loved this show, I watched it at university, it was a perfect escape.”

“Gotta love Judi Dench.” Serena agreed propping herself up a bit more on a pillow. Her left arm came around Bernie’s waist and pulled her close, the couch was big enough for them to stay spooned into each other while they watched the adventures of Lionel and Jean. Half way through the program Serena yawned, “This is nice.”

Bernie nodded, not remembering a time when she felt this safe and this comfortable. “I’m not sticking into you too much am I?”

“No, just perfect.” Serena murmured pulling Bernie even closer, she ran her hand through her hair pushing a few blonde strands away from her face. She inhaled Bernie’s sent and felt herself relax all the more, pushing away the question on why she loved the smell of her friend so much. 

“Marcus used to say I was too bony for cuddling, he was always trying to get me to put on weight.”

Serena frowned, “What a twat,” Her fingers splayed out against Bernie’s rib cage, “Edward was always telling me to lose weight, he hated my hips and thighs.”

“What?” Bernie turned to look back at the brunette, she couldn't imagine wanting Serena's womanly figure to change, “What an arse.”

“Yes he is.”

Bernie settled back down against Serena, feeling her pull her back into position, their bodies molding together, she smiled at the feel of them pressed together. Her attention turned back to the TV, Serena’s breathe tickling the back of her ear she felt her eyes drooping. Last thing she remembered was Serena’s thumb tracing patterns on her forearm underneath the throw, slipping into sleep, feeling safe and warm.


End file.
